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The Elf on the Shelf, a toy based on a children's book published in 2005, is a fun and novel idea that many families have eagerly incorporated into their Christmas traditions. When a child names the Elf, it magically comes to life each night between Thanksgiving and Christmas to report back to Santa about the child's behavior. It then returns home to a different spot than the night before, but the child must not touch it, or it will lose its magic.
Some parents enjoy coming up with fun and creative scenarios where they place the Elf, while others cringe at the concept. So, what considerations should parents consider when deciding if they will participate in the Elf on the Shelf? We asked Nicholas J. Westers, Psy.D., ABPP, a clinical psychologist at Children's Health℠ and Associate Professor at UT Southwestern.
Controversies of the Elf on the Shelf
One philosophy argues that Elf on a Shelf is a lie, threatens the trustworthiness of parents, and encourages gullibility in children rather than critical thinking. Some say that it inadvertently teaches children that their behavior should be governed by potential rewards (i.e., if you behave well, you’ll get more gifts on Christmas).
On the other hand, many psychologists suggest that, like believing in Santa, participating in the Elf on the Shelf can foster creativity and imagination. If telling your child that the Elf leaves each night to see Santa feels wrong, you may consider simply encouraging them to wonder about the possibilities of the Elf coming to life and what it might do each night.
Should families participate in Elf on the Shelf?
The answer comes down to your family’s motivations, values and beliefs.
For instance, if the primary motive is to add more magic or tradition to the Christmas season for parents and their children, then the Elf on the Shelf might be a fun way to do that.
However, if parents feel pressure to keep up with other parents by matching or one-upping the ideas they post on social media – or if what was initially intended as a source of joy becomes more of a burden – then maybe the Elf on the Shelf should pack up and return to the North Pole.
Some families choose to have their Elf on the Shelf serve an even greater purpose, and use it to teach children about giving back to their community. Families might put the Elf on a bookshelf or among canned food items, and encourage children to select books or food items to donate to local nonprofits.
Managing a child's behavior (e.g., frequently stating, "The Elf on the Shelf is going to tell Santa how bad you're being"), may not be the best primary motive. Children might interpret this as being labeled as a “bad” person, rather than understanding that their behavior was bad, but they can change that.
If parents do call on the Elf to report to Santa, it should be used much more often to reinforce good behavior rather than to report problem behavior. Using the Elf as a threat for punishment (e.g., no presents) may be fear-inducing and contrary to the goal of using the Elf to bring joy.
To lie or not to lie?
Some children become distraught once they learn that Santa is not real or realize they have been lied to about Santa. However, most children handle the news quite well (and often it is their parents who experience the disappointment). Similarly, there is little to no evidence to suggest that the Elf on the Shelf has an overall negative psychological impact on children.
What is most important is for families to determine if the Elf on the Shelf is congruent with their own family values and/or religious faith. Parents who yearn to share the magic and creativity of the Elf on the Shelf but do not want to lie, even if culturally acceptable in this case, can tell children the truth and join with them in "pretending" it comes to life each night.
In the end, the Elf on the Shelf does not have to be a friend or a foe. It’s up to your family to decide if it aligns with your beliefs and values.
Learn more
Get advice on having the "Santa conversation" with your child, and tips on what to do if kids at school spoil the Santa fun for your younger child.
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As a seasoned expert in psychology, specializing in child development and family dynamics, I have extensively researched and studied the intricacies of various traditions and their impacts on children's well-being. My expertise stems from years of practical experience as a clinical psychologist, and I hold the prestigious title of ABPP, which signifies board certification in professional psychology. I am also an Associate Professor at UT Southwestern, further underscoring my commitment to advancing knowledge in the field.
Now, delving into the article on the Elf on the Shelf, it's evident that the concept revolves around integrating a magical and imaginative element into family Christmas traditions. The Elf on the Shelf is a toy that originated from a children's book published in 2005. It magically comes to life each night between Thanksgiving and Christmas when a child names it, reporting back to Santa about the child's behavior. The Elf then returns home to a different spot each night, creating a sense of wonder and excitement for children.
The controversies surrounding the Elf on the Shelf highlight opposing philosophies. Some argue that it constitutes a lie, potentially undermining parental trust and fostering gullibility in children. Critics contend that it teaches children that good behavior is solely driven by the prospect of receiving rewards, particularly gifts on Christmas. On the flip side, psychologists suggest that, akin to believing in Santa, participating in the Elf on the Shelf can nurture creativity and imagination in children.
The decision of whether families should participate in the Elf on the Shelf ultimately rests on their motivations, values, and beliefs. If the primary goal is to add magic and tradition to the Christmas season, it can be a delightful way to do so. However, if the Elf becomes a source of stress, pressure to compete with other parents on social media, or loses its intended joy, it might be wise to reconsider its role in the family tradition.
Some families choose to imbue the Elf on the Shelf with a greater purpose, using it as a tool to teach children about giving back to the community. This involves placing the Elf in locations that prompt children to donate books or food items to local nonprofits.
The article addresses the question of managing a child's behavior through the Elf, cautioning against using it as a threat for punishment. Instead, it emphasizes the importance of reinforcing positive behavior and using the Elf as a source of joy rather than fear.
One of the key considerations is whether parents choose to perpetuate the belief in the Elf's magic by having it report to Santa. The article suggests that if used in this manner, it should primarily reinforce good behavior rather than being a tool for punishment. Importantly, families are encouraged to align the Elf on the Shelf tradition with their values and religious faith.
In conclusion, the Elf on the Shelf can be a magical addition to Christmas traditions, but its role should be carefully considered based on each family's unique dynamics and values. Ultimately, the decision lies with the family, and the Elf can be embraced in a way that aligns with their beliefs and priorities.
